Hi sweet girl. Happy Valentine’s Day! I remember this moment so clearly. You just had a biopsy and accidentally saw your breast cancer on the computer screen. Your initial instinct was to fight and flee, and then something kicked in – the reminder to breathe – in and out, in and out. You had just come out to the internal waiting room. General Hospital was playing on the TV, and you asked your sister to take a picture. It’s an odd request, but she took it as you were waiting for the second mammogram (now that the doctors knew what they were looking for).
You won’t look at that picture until four years later and will be amazed by the peacefulness on your face after hearing the most devastating news. While it’s possible you were posing, I don’t think anything can be manufactured in that moment. The peace you embodied is the beginning moment of the most unimaginable love fest. At first glance this will not seem like a love fest, in fact, it will be what many would call a “worst case scenario.” And admittedly, it gets a little rough. But something awakens within you through this journey. You begin to connect with parts of yourself in the most profound and meaningful ways. A portal of awareness will open and you will begin to let go and trust in a force of love greater than you can imagine.
I’m writing this to you after just completing the manuscript which charts our journey. Yes, you are writing a book – I know, a dream come true. We have an amazing journey ahead that at times will be hard, humbling, heartbreaking, and even humorous. But there will also be many unforeseen gifts and together our connection to ourself and those around us grows deeper in every awakened moment. You need to know that that cancer is not your crisis point, but rather a landing pad to seek meaning in your life and to step more fully into yourself. You won’t get this until years from now, but I just wanted to send you a preliminary love note. With grace, ease and love – here we grow.
Love always – Me, on our 4-year cancerversary
ps. I used to be scared of the word cancerversary, but now the only meaning it has for me is pure heart opening love, and so I choose to honor it.